15 February 2008

EAR FARM's All-Star Weekend Indie Rock Starting Five

Tonight begins the NBA's All-Star Weekend in New Orleans, excited?

No? Perhaps this annual gala - as well as professional basketball's regular season, playoffs, and championship - aren't up your alley? Well tough noogies, because we are excited, and we want you to be too. God knows the NBA did an awful job trying to lure music fans to the All-Star festivities last year, wheeling a botoxed and tanorexic Wayne Newton out to lip-synch along to "Viva Las Vegas" before the game. Shame on them.

Instead, we propose a bit of a shake-up this year. Rather than pit the same terrible "stars" against each other along with washed-up players in the Celebrity Challenge (think Frankie Muniz and Nick Carter chest-bumping and talking trash and you get the picture), why don't they recruit a team of Indie Rock All-Stars to take on these chumps, eh? Keep reading for our selections for the First Annual EAR FARM All-Star Weekend Indie Rock Starting Five...

Center: Win Butler, Arcade Fire. He's tall, athletic and perhaps the only person on this team who has proven he can dunk a basketball (see below). Represent the Great White North with pride, son.


Listen: "Keep The Car Running"

Power Forward: Tim Harrington, Les Savy Fav. We see him as a Charles Barkley type player. Perhaps a bit undersized for a power forward but more than able to compensate via girth, spastic tenacity and the will to do whatever it takes to put on a show. Plus, he'd be a master of the tear-away warmup duds based on his recent Conan performance (the fun starts at 1:33):



Small Forward: Danny Seim, Menomena. He's like 7'2", has decent coordination (he is a drummer after all), and seems to like basketball (we spotted him wearing a Blazers shirt at Menomena's last Webster Hall show). We think he could swat the shit out of Nick Carter.


Listen: "The Pelican"

Shooting Guard: Ivan Howard, the Rosebuds. Judging from the Rosebuds' MySpace blog, Ivan apparently has real skills. A former Seahawk, he's actually played against Erik Dampier!


Listen: "Blue Bird"

Point Guard: Satomi Matsuzaki, Deerhoof. She somehow manages to rein in Greg Saunier's outlandishly improvised beats alongside John Dieterich's manic guitar lines and make it all work....a natural leader and floor general. Watch your back Malcolm in the Middle.


Listen: "Kidz Are So Small"

And of course, our trusted head coach: Robert Pollard, former high-school basketball stud turned Guided By Voices frontman turned alcoholic. Call it the Dream Team 3.0 , a squad we can all get behind.....ready...1, 2, 3, go team!

5 comments:

Pat said...

I would like to give this post a standing ovation! Nice tie-in job here, and honestly the more you think about it, the more you think these guys might actually work. They could at least give the celebrities a run for their money.

Anonymous said...

dude this team could totally beat the celebrity tea,m

Ivan said...

Ha! I would play shooting guard, but we would have to put Justin Vernon from Bon Iver in the starting lineup as well and Steve Popson from Polvo too!

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