22 January 2008

"Awesome Pony": This Week's Best Sound Bites From Rock of Love 2

EAR FARM has a not-so-secret confession to make: we loved Rock of Love. Planting the sleazy rock cliches of Sunset Strip excess and eager groupies smack dab in the middle of prime time television, the initial series was like a shot of insulin (pun intended) to our summer television-watching.

And after providing Bret Michaels with the biggest career-boost since, well, ever, the show stubbornly returned two weeks ago, daring us to still believe that a) Bret Michaels is really on a quest to find his soul's counterpoint, and b) the "contestants" are also on board for purely virtuous reasons. Sure.

Don't get me wrong, the timing of Rock of Love's return really couldn't be more ideal. Though the writer's strike continues to whittle away watchable television programming (of late I've found myself identifying with the distinct personality traits of various American Gladiators), Bret Michaels and his pack of plastic paramours remain undaunted and steadfast in bringing the awesome.

And with sound bites like the ones below, who needs writers?

The premise of this week's show in 27 words: Bret hosts a peep show, a dance contest, and takes three girls on a quad-racing date. He later eliminates three that don't turn him on.

Choice Quotes From The Girls

Courtney: "I'm a sweet girl, I'm a caring girl, but apparently I'm also a blackout drunk girl. And you know, if that's not what he's looking for, maybe he's better off?"

Destiney (detailing her peep show routine): "As soon as I figure out it's going to be a talent show, I know exactly what I'm going to do. I am going to do....KUNG FU!"

Ambre (also explaining her peep show routine): "I'm wrapping myself up, because I'm really good at wrapping presents and stuff, and then I'm just gonna unwrap myself."

Angelique (looking doe-eyed at Brett play guitar, see pic above): "Heez zo hot! Zeis are my favorite Bret zong. Zomehow I have to feegure out how to keez him again."

Meghan: "I needed my beauty sleep so I could look hotter for him....(beat)...if that's possible."

Sara: "She's a big (expletive) whale."

Nikki: "I'm so nervous, if I go home I'm retarded."

Choice Bret Quotes

Bret: "I know people think I'm crazy but ironing does turn me on."

Bret: "Ahh the American flag, nothing can make me stand at attention like the American flag, hi oh!"

Bret: (excitedly watching Ambre unwrap herself) "I need more, I need more present!"

Bret: "I'm looking for a woman I can connect with spiritually, and any woman who is willing to lick chocolate mousse off of her own breasts, that's a spiritual connection you can't deny."

Bret: "Ambre might be one of the best kissers I've ever experienced. I got movement...heavy heavy movement."

Bret: "Kristy Jo, when she dropped to the floor and did the worm, smashing those large lovely breasts down on the ground, I'm thinking to myself, 'self, that might be the finest worm I ever saw.'"

Bret: "Awesome pony."

And finally, this week's BEST QUOTE:

Bret: "I see a tongue darting out of a mouth, it's coming at me, it's large, it's fighting to get in my mouth, like a serpent. That tongue had made its way all the way down my throat, into my belly and tasted last night's supper."

*Above photo of besotted Angelique taken from HERE.

Listen:
"Nothin' But A Good Time" by Poison

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