8+

"Open Up" by Artanker Convoy which clocks in at 12:04

I can't stop looking at this album cover. The album cover for the album that this song is from, posted directly to the left here. What? You can't either. Eyes over here. HERE. On the words, perv. Listen, I know that for every three words you read here your eyes drift over to the half naked rear end in pink panties. It's okay, me too. I mean, it's like perfect. And you can see things - body lines and whatnot. Like, her buttcrack and stuff - whoa. Crack! We're all like - buttcrack! We see it!

I know you ladies/sexually uninterested folks are looking too. Don't be ashamed, it's not entirely (y)our fault that (y)our entire world comes to a halt at the site of near-nudity. We're Americans (lots of us here are, at least) and that means we've got hundreds of years worth of Puritanical mumbo jumbo messing with our minds when it comes to sex and the naked human body. And the picture here isn't even naked, it's simply underwear. But it got your attention I betcha. "Oh my gosh," you're thinking, "there's some underwear! My eyes!" Puritan.

So sue me, or something, for not getting more involved with the actual song in this post; because, no matter what I write, it's going to be overshadowed by that girl's beautiful ass in those sheer pink underwears. Am I right? I started to write something creative and fun to match this Miles Davis meets Tortoise song, and then every time I went to proofread what I had written it was the same thing - pink undies, ass ass, buttcrack. Why did I choose to post that picture then? Why post that instead of something clever that tied into my interesting music-related essay that's since been deleted? Simple: I couldn't resist.

Is that how Artanker Convoy felt too?

"Golly yo, our songs for this new album are really heady and, honestly, fucking dope! What do you think for our next cover art man?"

"Tits."

"No way! Too blatantly piggish."

"How about some ass then?"

"Eh?"

"Ass! Hot ass... young ass. Mmm. Look, it's not like our last album cover, with pictures of ourselves and our shit-kicking facial hair, did much for sales. Who cares what people think of the music, as long as we grab attention with some body parts."

"Good point. I'm sold. Ass it is then. Bait and switch - 'oh you like the ass? grab it! buy it! sorry if the music is more complex than what your ass-hungry mind was looking for but, too late!' - hey, let's see if we can put the ass in some pink undies or something. See-thru maybe? Am I right?"

"Tooootally."

If you haven't already checked, you're probably wondering how much larger that picture would be if you click it. Go ahead and click the picture if you have to - make it really big and take a good look asshound. Just promise you'll be back after you do. Okay? Okay - click it.

Back? Good. Now that we've all finally gotten past the nice ass, can we please start paying attention to why you came here in the first place? Don't remember? The song assface. About which Pitchfork says it "builds with exquisite patience from an extended intro of glassy drones and fluttering percussion into a loose-limbed Krautrock stride". Stop looking, listen.

*image of Cozy Endings album cover from HERE.

Buy Cozy Endings on Amazon/on eMusic/on iTunes/on Other Music.

EAR FARM's 8+ is a weekly feature that showcases songs longer than 8 minutes. In the recent past these songs were featured on EF's 8+:
Dan Deacon - "Wham City"
Clan of Xymox - "A Day (Remix)"
Built to Spill - "Broken Chairs"
Spacemen 3 - "Big City (Everybody I Know Can Be Found Here)"
Pulp - "Seductive Barry"
Pelican - "March to the Sea"
Jerry Garcia, David Grisman, and Tony Rice - "Guitar Space/Summertime"
Boris - "Flood"

To see a full list of every song featured in EAR FARM's 8+ click HERE.