06 September 2007

8+

"A Day (Remix)" by Clan of Xymox which clocks in at 9:12

Hey goth. Heyyyyyy.

Dressed all in black, with the whitest skin on Earth - an "atheist" who has surrounded herself with all manner of crosses and Christian imagery. You are a study in contrast. In public, you only smoke and never eat. Yet there you are: fat vampire. You look a little lumpy. Puffy, rounded edges, and frumpy. Pale with so many (too much) makeups and grumpy. The opposite of spunky. Dumpy. A look of sadness on your face that plainly reads: nobody wanna hump me. Aww. Don't frown! Turn it upside down!

Are you a fat goth, skinny goth, something in between? Is there an in between?? Yeah, there's not. Therefore, EAR FARM is offering all of you pasty whites in need of a bit of "tone in your zone" the perfect afternoon workout - Goth Aerobics!

**while EAR FARM can not take credit for inventing the notion of the Goth Workout, we are perfectly comfortable with claiming to have perfected it by suggesting the following program which we think you'll find to be much more in line with the goth lifestyle than whatever you might see on the previously mentioned site**

EAR FARM's Goth Aerobics
Step 1: be a goth. eat too much, drink too much - OR - eat far too little, don't drink at all, but smoke many clove cigarettes instead. also, dress in black and hide your face from the sun and other people. get shiny things pierced into your skin and highlight everything with black. don't worry, you already do these things - it's why you're here in our program.
Step 2: want to change. this is the most important step. not to want to de-goth your lair (or coffin or castle or whatever), but to want to finally harness your powers of darkness and use them for fitness. repeat after me, for this is our credo: "I will harness my powers of darkness and use them for fitness. I will harness my powers of darkness and use them for fitness. I will harness my powers of darkness and use them for fitness."
Step 3: find a suitably gothy song that's got enough pep in its step to make your body move, make your makeup run, and make your upside down crosses jingle jangle. EAR FARM has made this step extremely simple: see the above song by Clan of Xymox. it moves, it grooves, it's got its own built in cool-down, and it's plenty long enough for even the most "athletic" goth to reach peak heart rate before the song finishes.
Step 4: the workout. let's face it, moving and sweating are not activities that goths excel at; therefore, we'll keep it simple with a four day workout regimen. each day's exercises should be done using the above song, "A Day (Remix)" by Clan of Xymox, as a soundtrack/inspiration.

    DAY 1: walk outside, stand in the sun. DAY 2: no really, that's all for DAY 1. it should be more than enough to get your black heart's BPMs up to a satisfactory level. DAY 2: go to your local Hot Topic, but park as far away from the mall as possible. it's a long four hundred foot walk, I know, but the burn you feel (all deep down, where your soul would be if it wasn't so dark and... DARK) is totally going to be worth it. DAY 3: repeat DAY 1. DAY 4: look at yourself in the mirror. egads! the site of your own reflection (if you even have one) should be all you need to vamp up that heart rate and get the remainder of your exercise fix for the week. DAYS 5-7: rest all day, only come out at night.
Step 5: keep up with your EAR FARM Goth Aerobics plan and maybe someday you can move on to the brighter/sexy side of gothdom that is modeling for Halloween Costumes and nudie sites!

*image found HERE.

Buy Clan of Xymox HERE on Amazon or HERE on iTunes.

EAR FARM's 8+ is a weekly feature that showcases songs longer than 8 minutes. In the recent past these songs were featured on EF's 8+:
Built to Spill - "Broken Chairs"
Spacemen 3 - "Big City (Everybody I Know Can Be Found Here)"
Pulp - "Seductive Barry"
Pelican - "March to the Sea"
Jerry Garcia, David Grisman, and Tony Rice - "Guitar Space/Summertime"
Boris - "Flood"
Vieux Farka Touré - "Diabaté"
Morrissey - "Southpaw"

To see a full list of every song featured in EAR FARM's 8+ click HERE.

14 comments:

b said...

hey, where did you find my high school prom picture?!

SasquatchDuncan said...

Don't mess with 4AD. With Vaughn Oliver as point guard they will destroy you with overprocessed guitars and sadness.

stuart said...

i can't believe i missed that seductive barry post! amazing! you know, you're very white.

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nghia said...

Xymox rules!!! I thought I was their only fan!!!

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依我國專利法第二十三條規定,二人以上有相同發明者,由先申請之人取得專利權。另外,參照專利法第九十五條規定,申請專利之新型,與申請在先而在其申請後始公開或公告之發明或新型專利申請案所附說明書或圖式載明之內容相同者,不得取得新型專利。再參酌專利法第一百十一條規定,申請專利之新式樣,與申請在先而在其申請後始公告之新式樣專利申請案所附圖說之內容相同或近似者,不得取得新式樣專利。可知,我國專利法就專利之取得係採『先申請主義』,也就是說,如果有二人以上有相同之發明,由先申請專利之人取得專利權。
然而,如果專利申請人是竊取他人的技術資料申請專利,則情況有所不同。蓋竊取者並非真正的發明人,依法並沒有專利申請權,縱使其先行搶先申請專利,真正發明人可以經由專利法所賦予的舉發撤銷制度,撤銷其取得之專利權(專利法第六十七條第一項第三款、第一百零七條第一項第三款、第一百二十八條第一項第三款),並以舉發撤銷後援用非專利申請人之申請日作為專利申請權人之申請日,以避免技術因被他人竊取專利申請公開,而被智慧局認為喪失新穎性,不願給予真正專利申請權人專利權(專利法第三十四條第一項參照)。
就貴公司所發生的案例以觀,貴公司可依照前揭專利舉發撤銷制度相關規定行使專利撤銷權,俾確保貴公司合法專利權益。
惟貴公司日後若有研發任何新技術,宜儘快專利申請,避免類似糾紛的發生,而徒增困擾。

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